If there is one place we hope to feel safe and secure − it’s in our own homes − or more specifically, in our closest relationships.
Lately, even that “safe haven'' may be making you feel like you're on eggshells.
A seemingly insignificant and mundane conversation triggers an overreaction from yourself or your partner, causing either of you to become defensive or completely shut down.
Before you know it, you are thrust into a “wash-rinse-repeat” pattern of conflict that’s hard to escape. You know it’s coming, but it still grips you.
Even after things settle and one of you steps forward to apologize, you both acutely sense the hurt, frustration, and resentment lurking beneath.
"Why does my partner overreact?"
"Why do I get so triggered?"
"How come the punishment doesn't fit the crime?"
“Why can’t he be more supportive?”
“Is anything I do ever enough for her?”
While you are feeling hurt, you have an added layer of confusion.
You simultaneously love your partner and even hope to stay in this relationship to keep your love, family, and dreams intact.
You are torn in a tug-of-war of emotions and desire to feel understood, accepted, and embraced by your partner.
Just imagining the load that you carry in your relationship is overwhelming. Somehow, you have to tip-toe forward while still attending to your children's needs, maintaining a positive disposition and not compromising on your high work performance.
You may want to simply just give up on the relationship, but, you know that entails its own downward spiral of difficulties...so what's the answer?
The best solution is to uncover the core of your issues.
Your dynamic is being driven by vulnerable and deep emotions called primary emotions.
Those primary emotions are sensitive ‘raw spots' that are easily provoked and can cause you intolerable emotional discomfort.
Once triggered, you slip into a “fight-or-flight” response and your secondary emotions − anger, anxiety, resentment, and frustration − overtake you and your partner.
This starts a negative cycle that further distances you from each other.
What you need is to learn how to effectively share and receive each other’s primary emotions. Doing so will create emotional intimacy.
We’ve worked with many clients, such as yourself, that have successfully created emotional intimacy and acquired new healthy dynamics.
In therapy, you will learn strategies to respond differently and avoid slipping into old negative cycles of criticism, questioning, defensiveness, shutting-down, and avoidance.
Once emotional intimacy is achieved, you will feel more comfortable and at ease with yourself and in your relationship.
Our clients often describe this feeling as a sense of ‘lightness’.
Your partner will become your ally instead of your enemy.
You will develop a sense of safety and security that engenders confidence in yourself and trust in your partner.
Sure, you will still need to walk the tightrope of life, with all its demands, but the mere knowledge that there is support beneath you, will propel you forward with assurance and hope.
It’s time to transform your relationship at its root, understand each other’s emotions, and experience deeper connection.
If there is one place we hope to feel safe and secure − it’s in our own homes − or more specifically, in our closest relationships.
Lately, even that “safe haven'' may be making you feel like you're on eggshells.
A seemingly insignificant and mundane conversation triggers an overreaction from yourself or your partner, causing either of you to become defensive or completely shut down.
It accelerates from 0 to 60 MPH in fewer seconds than a Tesla.
Before you know it, you are thrust into a “wash-rinse-repeat” pattern of conflict that’s hard to escape. You know it’s coming, but it still grips you.
"Why does my partner overreact?"
"Why do I get so triggered?"
"How come the punishment doesn't fit the crime?"
“Why can’t he be more supportive?”
“Is anything I do ever enough for her?”
While you are feeling hurt, you have an added layer of confusion.
You simultaneously love your partner and even hope to stay in this relationship to keep your love, family, and dreams intact.
You are torn in a tug-of-war of emotions and desire to feel understood, accepted, and embraced by your partner.
Just imagining the load that you carry in your relationship is overwhelming. Somehow, you have to tip-toe forward while still attending to your children's needs, maintaining a positive disposition and not compromising on your high work performance.
You may want to simply just give up on the relationship, but, you know that entails its own downward spiral of difficulties...so what's the answer?
The best solution is to uncover the core of your issues.
Your dynamic is being driven by vulnerable and deep emotions called primary emotions. Those primary emotions are sensitive ‘raw spots' that are easily provoked and can cause you intolerable emotional discomfort.
Once triggered, you slip into a “fight-or-flight” response and your secondary emotions − anger, anxiety, resentment, and frustration − overtake you and your partner. This starts a negative cycle that further distances you from each other.
What you need is to learn how to effectively share and receive each other’s primary emotions. Doing so will create emotional intimacy. We’ve worked with many clients, such as yourself, that have successfully created emotional intimacy and acquired new healthy dynamics.
In therapy, you will learn strategies to respond differently and avoid slipping into old negative cycles of criticism, questioning, defensiveness, shutting-down, and avoidance.
Once emotional intimacy is achieved, you will feel more comfortable and at ease with yourself and in your relationship.
Our clients often describe this feeling as a sense of ‘lightness’.
Your partner will become your ally instead of your enemy.
You will develop a sense of safety and security that engenders confidence in yourself and trust in your partner.
Sure, you will still need to walk the tightrope of life, with all its demands, but the mere knowledge that there is support beneath you, will propel you forward with assurance and hope.
It’s time to transform your relationship at its root, understand each other’s emotions, and experience deeper connection.
"Pinny turned out to be the only therapist my husband actually felt comfortable enough to engage with. He was the fourth therapist we saw, but from the start his approach felt different. He has the gift to reach and positively affect people regardless of background."
-S.S. Couples Therapy
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